Today is Day Two of Asexual Awareness Week. I’m not quite sure how I’ve gone from barely acknowledging my connection to Asexuality to blogging about it twice in one week, but here we are. I’ll deal with it as I go along.
The main problem I have with acknowledging asexuality, is down to my own feelings about, well, everything that other people need to be told about. I’ve spent most of my life out of the loop, barely having friends outside of school and no two worlds colliding. Similarly is “The Internet” and “People In My Life”. Not even most of my “Internet Friends” know about this blog, or indeed ~The Whole Asexuality Thing~. If I had something visible or physical to share, like an actual boyfriend or whatever, then I can see the point.
But what’s the point in announcing that, actually, I’m not having sex? Why is that something to shout about?
Well, Asexual Awareness is a pretty good reason. And here we are.
It’s just like everything else in people’s lives. Unless people say “Oh no, i’m exactly like that too,” people might think there’s something wrong with them. People might be made to feel bad about themselves for being different in this way, have no reason to explain, feel alone and try to fix themselves. Or worse, keep putting themselves into situations that aren’t good or healthy for them. This isn’t just a case of a phobia or commitment issues, this is a lack of something that a lot of people find important in relationships. Knowledge leads to understanding and the power to make informed decisions on whether people want to try for a relationship they otherwise wouldn’t want to be in, or to say “No, actually, nothing is wrong with me. I am fine the way I am. You can’t make feel bad about this. We can either come to a compromise we’ll both be happy with, or we’ll have to end it.”
That is why Asexuality Awareness is important.
Yes, there are supposedly just 1% of the population of us. Yes, we are probably very few and far between. But that’s no excuse for other people to ask us “Why aren’t you normal?” and demand some sort of compromise that, personally for me, wouldn’t be a true compromise. It is, sadly, a deal breaker for a lot of people. Being an asexual myself (THERE! I Said it *proud of self*), I can’t understand how that works. I thought it was bad enough when people state that they can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone disabled, but I can at least understand that to some degree. I live with a disability, it is a very demanding thing that never goes away. It is very imposing on other people’s lives and causes a lot of stress and worry.
When they say that about asexuals and Asexuality, on the other hand, I can’t understand it at all. The less said about this train of thought, the better, actually…
So, how did I hear about Asexuality myself? Seeing as there’s a very big lack of Asexuals represented within the media…
Well, one night, I was talking in a group chat with a friend and his group of friends. They used to over share a lot of information, but after a while, it was something I learnt to get used to and ignore. A question was thrown my way in an attempt to rile me up and I replied that I was in no way interested, at all, and would probably never will be. And that I really thought my time was better spent doing better, more important things that I actually had an interest in.
It was intended to be insulting as well as a truthful statement, and one person asked “Does that mean you’re asexual?”
And to be honest, I didn’t answer because it was the first time i’d heard of it, as something I could be that would explain… it, all, everything, Something. Also, I thought replying either way would bring on an a new round of “make fun of the outsider”. Before that, I’d named it “nonsexual” or as a joke, “the name of the celebrity I fancied”-sexual, even though I didn’t see him as a potential partner in that respect either. The easily embarrassed and shy cards always came in good use for when I was otherwise unable or unwilling to answer questions.
And then since then, I’ve dabbled and lurked around asexual-related circles, became frustrated at media portrayal, shared woes secretly with other asexuals, told three people… inferred and implied to a lot of other people…
And wrote this blog.
I hope my efforts are enlightening to someone. I can’t state that everything I say will be applicable to all Asexuals. It won’t be. There’s a lot of variety, like I said yesterday. I am not Queen Representative of Asexuality, or a pioneer. I’m just… me.