The weight loss diaries 2: Back in the habit

So I suppose this is my quarterly update! To be honest, I don’t know what to say. It seems like all other diet and well being blogs focus on numbers and meals that they’ve depended on, but without a way to weigh myself, I don’t really have any numbers to share, and I wouldn’t want to focus on “the numbers” anyway – it’s not my way of doing this – and I don’t have a miracle meal that’s seen me through.

The ultimate thing is that I have lost some weight.  The clothes that I’ve worn for years that were getting tighter on me are now a bit looser, and I can now get my favourite jeans on passed my thighs. I just need to lose a bit more to actually button them up and sit comfortably whilst wearing them.

I thought the hardest thing about eating better and going back to a vareity of foods would literally be the variety aspect. Over the last ten years I’ve ended up with a wierd hodgepodge of intolerances and allergies, and I can’t keep track of them and it seems neither can my body. It’s sspecially wierd because three years ago when I really wasn’t well, I seemed to have bad reactions to a lot of things and I had to swear off a lot of things – for example, bananas, eggs, fresh tomato, and all citrus fruits, and these reactions were anything from agonising pains in my stomach, stomach upsets, to itchy rashy skin, but over the last year or so, I’ve risked some things again and found myself okay with them; Others haven’t been as bad as I was expecting, like lemon, but still the itchy tingling sensation I got in my mouth leads me to think that i’m best staying away from ingesting lemon again in the near future. So as it is, the variety is okay. It’s not the best, but it’s better than it was.

The hardest thing about eating better and losing weight is actually the boredom eating and the lack of infratstructure in the big wide world.

So with the snacking… I have a history of comfort eating. It started after my friend died in 2005 and every now and then I uncontrollably fall into that same need to eat whatever chocolatey, sugary, biscuity snacks we have, in the evening a couple of hours after tea. I could psychobabble myself through the explanations but I think all that’s relevant is that these days it’s because of boredom, stress or needing a sort of edible procrastion. So it’s been hard to tell myself no. Because this is not hunger, it’s literally either wanting something to do, wanting something extra to do whilst doing uni work, or wanting to take my mind off whatever I’m stuck on with uni work. I’m worried it’s always going to be a constant battle. How can I take eating healthy seriously when 8’clock rolls around and all I want to do is eat a whole packet of jaffa cakes? It’s like I get hit with a sense memory of jaffa cakes, the taste, the soft texture of  the cake mixed with the smooth texture of the jelly and the tang of the orange, the sound of the package crinkling, the smell after the package is open, and it doesn’t go away until I’ve eaten enough Jaffa cakes to feel like I could throw up. The havoc it’s caused on my acid reflux in the past is ridiculous. So the boredom snacking, you could probably even call it binging though that feels like a loaded term that I woudln’t like to misuse for risk of trivialising people who struggle with binging – that’s been very difficult.

But, the other thing that’s made it difficult is that when out and about, there’s no real eating places if you take your own food. Sure, there’s a few benches here and there, but there’s no picnic tables, or if there is, they’re not wheelchair accessible. I thought my biggest problem would be keeping my food edible between leaving the house and eating it at lunch time, but actually even though my home made ice block made from a sponge has it’s problems, the biggest problem is comfortable eating. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before, but it’s like city centres and towns want you to depend on them for your food choices. If you want to eat at a table, you need to eat in a restaurant of some sort, and then you have to trust that all the health information is accurate.

Now recently research was done that discovered something I have always felt to be true, that fast food chains tend to be healthier than resteraunts. This is because they have smaller portions, and, because of their reputation, now have decent ingredient/food intake information on everything, and everything is basic. That’s not to say it’s bad, it’s just they don’t go out of their way to add a million ingredients in the bid to make their food better. It’s basic cuts, basic eggs, basic flour, basic deep fat frying, where as restaurants don’t measure how much “non-ingredients” they use, and they use a lot. So of course there’s going to be a difference between a basic chicken mayo – the aforementioned cut, egg, flour, fryer, to a gourmet chicken burger, which will have high quality of oil, herbs, peppers, possibly a mixture of bread for the bread crumbs. Even though it’s not really listed, it’s still ingested, and it all adds up.

So yes, I have found myself going to McDonalds and subway when out and about, because a) it saves struggling at a bench with a sandwich on my knee and you can forget about the rice and pasta idea!
b) I know exactly how much is meant to be in it, though I understand if it’s a bit off but it’s going to be closer than what I guage with my own ingredients being made by my wayward family who don’t listen to my instructions. You can’t tell me a basic chicken salad from McDonalds or Subway is going to be worse than any salad with a dressing I can’t even bare to eat, possibly with ingredients I have bad reactions to, from an upmarket restaurant.

But I really believe if we put the infrastructure back in, with picnic benches, with public areas that welcome you to eat your own food in comfort, we’d see a lot less people eating salt and sugar rich restaurant food of any kind. And maybe, just maybe, why that’s why we don’t see picnic tables around city centres or parks anymore, because why allow people to eat their own food for free when you can make them eat unhealthy food and make money off the commodity of comfort?

Also due to my health and my parents health and carer availability, i’ve also been depending on microwave meals. Again, not the healthiest, there’s a lot of salt in them I wouldn’t eat if I had the choice, but the fact is I don’t. I try and get the healthiest ones I can – I’m quite partial to getting Marks and Spencers mini meals, but the cost wracks up so I can only get them if I know I can afford them.

Maybe with all of that combined, it’s why progress might be considered slow. But actually, given how close I am to fitting in to my favourite jeans once again, I’m doing well. I mean, I am undoing a year’s worth+ of over eating and comfort eating here, and being unable to exercise,  something must be going right just with portion control.

(Portion control comes from a lot of diet and health apps and general health and well being advice, which seems to be a mixture of calory counting and making sure as many as the different food groups are represented on one plate. We’re talking less chips and potatoes – not none, just less – and more green vegetables at it’s most basic).

So let’s see what happens in the next four months.

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